


Against our Doubts

by AnaellesFictions



Category: The White Queen (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-06
Updated: 2013-11-10
Packaged: 2017-12-28 14:34:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/993023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnaellesFictions/pseuds/AnaellesFictions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anne remember her life before her queen's life. Then she doubts about the intentions from Richard to his niece, Elisabeth of York.<br/>And what happen if she stills alive?</p><p>French author.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You said you loved me, I said I loved you. What happened to that ?

  
**Chapter 1 :** You said you loved me, I said I loved you. What happened to that ?

  


When I was young, I dreamed that I could have a true husband. A husband who will loved me. Truely. But it was an illusion and my dreams were broken as my heart when my father gave me to this monster. Edward of Westminster.  I was so young, I was so broken. But when my husband died on the Tewkesbury's battlefield, I saw a ray of sun. However, clouds were coming. And this clouds were Georges of York, Duke of Clarence, an avaricious and opportunist man who just wanted to have the Neville's Fortune. The other one was my status of dowager princess of Wales. When I was at the court, I heard whispers and saw wicked looks. I was considered as a traitor. What is the worst way? Do not make what your family orders? Or to do and to be considered as a foreigner. I lived in hell during lot of months. Georges suggested to send me in an abbey. I was terrified and I begged my sister, Isabel, Georges' Wife,  to convince him to see again his project. She didn't make a success. But after the storm, the sun came.

Richard was my sun, who took away the clouds. He was my escape. We had a correspondance and sometimes we met in a parc. One day, he asked me if I remembered the moment who we met after the battlefield. If I remembered when he asked me if I loved him.

« Yes, of course. I answered.

_ Anne, do you love me ? Richard repeated. 

_ Richard, I faltered after a little moment.

_ Anne, on my own world, I love you with all of my heart. Will you marry me ? » 

I was breathtaking. I did not realize the situation. Richard, my youth's love, asked me to marry him. I became as a tomatoe, red. My eyes and my mouth opened. I quickly closed it. 

« You will have my fortune, I whispered. 

_ Yes, it's true. But you will be a duchess as your sister and you become her equal. And you will be also respected by the court. And I'll be a true husband because I love you. » 

I was without voice. Richard of York, duke of Gloucester, the king's youngest brother, my youth love, was saying he loved me. 

When I was young, I dreamed that I could have a true husband. A husband who'll love me. Richard was my dream's husband. I felt in love of him during our childhood. And he was here, in front of me, with an attractive smile, asking me to marry him. Wonderful. 

« Yes, I blew in a whisper and with a smile. »

He sighted of relief and after he put his cape on my shoulders when it started to snow. He moved slowly to me and he tilted his face to mine. He kissed me with passion and sweetness. We stayed here during little minutes, kissed the other one. 

My dream became reality. 

Then he took me in his bedroom in the night's silence. I was thinking about nothing, he was the only one in my thought. The only one in my heart.

We entered in his bedroom, he closed the door while he was looking at me. He squeezed me with his arms and he kissed my neck. At the beginning, I was just a little nervous, Edward was an horrible lover, he hurt me. However, Richard made me feel calm and protected. 

He made me love during the night and he stayed in the bed with me. He was an excellent lover. He is still.

Our love made a little boy, Edward. A little Richard. We were a familly, we were happy. As I've always dreamed. 

During ten years, Richard, Edward and I, lived in peace. I tried to keep my son far from the court, far from the whispers, far from the rumors. Far from the witch. Elizabeth Woodville, the queen. 

I didn't make a success. Edward IV, our king, the Richard's brother, the Elisabeth's husband, died. And my hell began. 

The King's heirs disappeared mysteriously after their arrived in the Tower of London. Richard didn't sleep during weeks, he tried to know what was happened, tried to find them. He didn't make a success. Rumors began again. Some of the population said it was Richard, the new king, who were the heirs' murderer. 

After months, the Elisabeth Woodville's scion came to the court, the bastard Elisabeth. It was ordered by Richard. I didn't understand his project. And I saw his looks on her. He cared of her. He cares of her. This little witch was dazzled by him. Of course. He danced with her and looked her with desire. 

**_ I was alone on my throne, with an heavy crown on my head, watching my love with a bastard.  _ **

My back right, I sit in front of a suffering. I remember my son's death, months later. My poor boy. My poor, poor son. I am so broken, and when I see my husband with her, I want to stand up and cry all of my pain and rabies. But I do nothing, as always. I am so weak. Richard said me, after the Tewkesbury's battle, I was my father's daughter. I am the Kingmakers' daughter, yes. But sometimes, I doubt. And I wish I could go back and never be queen. Truely. 

** ***  **

The next week, I saw them in the parc, as lovers in their intimacy. It was enough for me. I ordered to prepared a horse and I changed my royal clothes to other one, less luxurious. I went down the stairs and went to the yard with my cape on my shoulders. 

« Your Grace, Francis Lovell greeted me, respectfully. 

_ Viscount Lovell, I answered, quickly, without look. »

I didn't hear his reply, I was already outside.

« Your Majesty, could I know where you're going with your horse? he asked. If the king requests where you are, I must to know. 

_ Just a stroll, Viscount Lovell, I said when I rode my horse. 

_ You need escorts, my queen. 

_ No need, Viscount Lovell, I- 

_ Anne. » 

I rose my head to Richard who was on the stairs. I looked at him as I look garbage. I apologized to you, Richard.

« I am going to ride a horse. 

_ Alone, he said, supprised. 

_ Viscount Lovell will go with me, I replied quickly. 

_ But I need you here, Anne. 

_ The bastard Elisabteh is here for that, my king, don't you? Have a nice afternoon husband, I continue with a fake smile. » 

With confusion in his eyes, Richard stayed there, he looked at me when I was leaving the yard, with the Viscount. My hands were on my bosom, on my heart. It beats so fast. My tears flew on my face. Suddenly, I stopped. I went down from my horse and I walked. I knew Viscount Lovell watched me but I didn't care of it. One shouts broke the silence of the plain. I expelled all my rabies, all my pain, all my suffering.

  



	2. Broken hearts

 

When I come back to the court with Viscount Lovell, it's raining and my clothes are wet. My humor is melancolic but I don't care if I fall sick. The rain covers my tears and I say to Francis Lovell to tell nothing to Richard with a look. He saw my pain. But I know he won't betray me. I am his queen. After our arrival in the yard, he helps me to go down from my horse. I thank him and with a respectful greeting, he leaves me.

I breath again with more strength and I enter in the castle. I try to don't run to my room fastly, to don't evoke suspicions and fall on my bed, my face on my pillow. I don't want to cry again, but I feel I have a hollow in my bosom.

Richard, why have you hurt me like that ? Suddenly, I want to go to an abbey, as Georges had wanted. I want to be far from this life. I regret my duchess' life, I regret my father, I regret my sister, Isabel, taken by a curse, I regret my son, my sweet Edward.

I can't stay like that. I am the queen of England. I am the kingmaker's daughter. I am Anne Neville. Elisabeth of York is not the queen, she is a bastard. She is not my successor beside Richard. She is just a pawn.

« Anne, what was it, says Richard when he entered in my bedroom.

_ What was what, my love? I reply innocently.

_ You know what I mean, he continues slowly.

_ Perhaps, yes.

_ Don't play with me Anne, why are you angry against me ? »

I turn my face to him quickly.

« You ask why ? Richard, please, don't be silly. You know the reason. »

He does not answer. Do you admit? The night's silence around us is frozen. Richard does not say my accusations are wrong. He knows. God, I am so weak.

« I tought about that and I've decided to go to an abbey.

_ What ? Anne, this is not the time to make joke.

_ And it is the time for what ? Time to bed your niece ?

_ Anne, you know I have done nothing.

_ I know nothing Richard. Oh in fact yes. I know I saw you with her in the garden, as lovers. I know I saw you and her at the court, whispering with her, in front of me. The queen, I am the Queen, Richard. I am the queen of England. Your queen. No don't touch me ! Richard. Don't approach me. Tell me. What is the worst situation ? Live with a man who hurts me and hates me because I am a Neville, as Edward of Westminster, or live with you, Richard, my love, my husband, my soul, and watch you into the arms of a whore ?! Edward hurt me ! You knew that, Richard ! But you ! You. I doubt. I doubt if you hurt me more than him. Sometimes I think you do. And just to win your point you will dishonor me. I am sure it is already done. » He tried to reply but I continue fastly.

« I will go to Middleham during a time.

_ No. You can't leave me, not again.

_ Yes, I will do.

_ I order you to do not.

_ I will do.

_ You will do what I want. You stay here with me.

_ Who are you to say that? My husband? Not at all.

_ I am your king.

_ Now, you are nothing for me. Just the man who breaks my heart. »

I turn away from him to do not cry.

« Anne... Please. You know I love you.

_ No, you do not love me. Don't lie to me, Richard. You love your niece, I saw it. Don't lie to me Richard, please, I beg.

_ Anne...

_ Go, Richard. You hurt me too much »

After a silence, an heavy silence, he goes out my room. I feel my heart going faster and faster.

The next day, I give the order to prepare my affair to spend a few days to Middleham. I go down into the yard and I see Richard, next to my horse, without his crown. We say nothing, we just look the other one as a mirror.

« I have prepared escorts for you Anne. Go back home quickly. »

I watch my escorts, there are twenty persons, too much again.

« Thank you, your Grace.

_ Anne, I am your husband, I said you, you must to call me Richard, we are equal.

_ You ordered me to stay here.

_ You ordered me to leave your room. »

I make a smile.

« Anne, could I kiss you, before your trip to our house? »

I hesitate. Richard still my love, my husband, my soul despite my pain and my doubts. Same if I want, I won't stop to love him. I accept his kiss, it is regret's taste. Then I see the Elisabeth Woodville's scion on the stairs, with a winner smile. I kiss again Richard with more passion. I ride my horse and look again Richard.

« I am sorry Richard. You lost your brothers. You lost our little boy. Now you lose me. I hope you won't lose your kingdom, I murmur »

***

Two weeks have already gone since my leaving. At the beginning, I decided to spend my time to rest in a calm environnement. I walked in the parc and I remember the time when I was innocent and where the only thing I wanted was to kiss Richard on his mouth. I remember the time when our boy ran accross the garden. I remember the great time.

Richard sent me letters but I never answered.

But I fell ill and I stayed three days in my bed. I had no fever but I vomited a lot and I called a doctor. I was terrified. Was it a curse ? A curse from the witch Elisabeth Woodville ? Or her first daughter, the bastard ? Was it a curse like the one which taken my little boy ?

« Your Grace. Says the doctor.

_ Doctor Walton, tell me the truth. I am dying, it's true. I am dying far from my husband ? Don't lie to me. I am the queen, I can hear the result.

_ No, you aren't, my Queen. But I am sure, the king will be great to know that. »

What? Richard will be happy to know my death ?

« You are with a child. »

My mouth and my eyes opened wide. Me? Pregnant? God. God hears my prayers after ten years. I have done so many miscarriages.

« Are you sure ? Doctor Walton ? You aren't lying to me ? Am I really with a child ?

_ Yes, you are, your Majesty. May I send a message to the King ?

_ No! Not now. I will tell him. Thank you. »

I get up and leave my bed. I am pregnant. Richard and I will have another child. I touch slowly my bump. A baby. I must to come back to the court.

I ordered to prepare all of my personal effects and I take my horse. The trip was hard and I was tired and wet when after one week, I enter in London. When I go down to my horse, in the castle's yard, Francis Lovell comes to help me. I touch discreetly my bump and say to the Viscount to do not call Richard. I don't care if I wear wet clothes, I just want to see Richard and told him the great new. I go fastly to the Richard's room. Nobody. Then I go to his work room.

« Richard ? I say. »

Suddenly, I stop all of my mouvements. My heart squeezed and was trampled. In front of me, Richard with the Elisabeth Woodville's bastard. He was sit on his chair and her, she was behind him, a arm around his shoulder. They were laughing as lovers and she looked him as he was her husband.

When they see me, Elisabeth stop to laugh and moved back. Richard stopped his laugh to, but it wasn't an unhappy face he made as his niece. It was a huge smile as you have when you see your love.

« Anne ! Sweetheart, you're here. »

I do not move, just motionless. I look at him with incomprehension. I swallow my sadness to do not cry again.

« Richard, I say curtly.

_ Anne, I am glad to see you, my love. I haven't been prevent about your back.

_ No. I wanted to make a surprise.

_ And it is wonderful, my love.

_ Where is Viscount Lovell?

_ I beg your pardon? He asks lost.

_ I want to see Francis Lovell. I need him for one thing. »

It wasn't true. I didn't need him, but I want to make suffer Richard as he does with his whore.

«  In the garden I think, he says after a long moment of silence.

_ Good. Finally, I will come back to Middleham. Perhaps. I let you with your whore. »

I leave hastly the work room and walk quickly anywhere but Richard catches up me and takes me in the closest room.

« Anne! Why have you doing that? There was no point.

_ Shut up Richard and go back to your niece. Go back in her bed.

_ I never bedded her, Anne, I swear it.

_ Don't swear Richard! You are a liar. Don't swear. »

He holds me back going far away.

« Let me go, Richard. I was come back here for you, for our love. But with disappointment I see there is no point. I hoped vainly you will see it wasn't us the probleme. That it was your niece and only her. But you do nothing to correct it !

_ Your paranoia makes you a mad woman, Anne.

_ You are a waste man. You prefer to defend a bastard who thinks she can take my sit and become the queen, your queen. And I repeate, just to win your point, you prefer to dishonor me. I gave you all I had, Richard. All! My heart, my soul, me. All. »

I leave Richard and go fastly to my bedroom to be far from him. I ordered to call Viscount Lovell. Why have I done that ? This is worthless. Truely. Then he enters and greets me as he does to Richard, with respect.

« Viscount Lovell, could I ask you one thing .

_ Of course my queen.

_ Before my go back, I heard there will have a ball. Is it true?

_ Yes, my queen. May I ask a question, your Grace ?

_ Yes, you can.

_ It is all right ? You are pale, my queen.

_ I am pregnant. » I say as if I released a too heavy burden.

« It is a wonderful new, your Majesty. I am sure, Richard is happy.

_ He doesn 't know.

_ Why ?

_ My family is breaking because of a whore. I don't want to give birth to a child and to know Richard'll be into the arms of this bastard.

_ Richard loves you, my queen.

_ You want to lying to me you too ?

_ No, it is true. You are just hurt and obsessed by his niece. She is just a pawn. He never bedded his niece. He loves you. You are his queen before the queen of England. Don't forget you chose each other. And don't forget you were crowned with him. »

He was right...

« I order you to seduce me during the ball tonight. It will be fake, obviously, but I want to be sure. I must to know the truth and to see if he really loves me. Perhaps you're right, I hope so but I am a woman and I need to know.

_ I understand your Grace. I am loyal to you but... I am loyal to the king, your husband, too.

_ I know that. But you will do what I order you to do.

_ Yes, my queen. »

He leaves the room and I open chest and see my royal dresses. I chose the most beautiful. Richard must desire me.

 


	3. Mood

 

I look myself into the mirror once more time. I am pretty, really. And I hope it will be enough to keep Richard close to me. I am wearing a beautiful dress, dark blue, with wonderful jewels. I touch my necklace with my fingertips. It is so cold. Perhaps as me, at the moment. I am afraid about this idea because if it was that, it'd say I am dead. And if it is true, it'd send me under the ground and Elisabeth Woodville's first daughter will win Richard. God. I am truely mad to think that. I really love my husband, indeed, this why I will struggle to keep him away from this whore.

I am wrong. She isn't a whore. She is just dazzled by Richard. But I am so afraid to lose him.

« Anne, says the Richard's voice. This is the time. »

I turn to him softly and touch my hair for a reason that I do not know, shyly.

« Good, I reply. »

My humor is so changing sometimes. Poor am I.

« You're beautiful my love, says Richard.

_ Oh. Thank you. »

He kisses my cheek and I close my eyes to feel better his movement. It is soft and affectionate. There is a little of bitterness and regret in it too. I lower my face to the ground but with a mouvement of his hand, he manages my face to him. His eyes are beautiful. I am drowning in them. He murmurs he loves me in spite of our conflicts and he kisses me tenderly, with passion, on my mouth. He presents to me his arms and I take it. We go out ~~my~~ our room and when we arrive at the door, I feel my crown on my head. So heavy. Then we enter in the room who was the court in the music of the ball.

*******

« Lady Elisabteh of York. »

She raises her head to mine, suprise on her face. I finally don't care about her statut. She could be a princess. But I am the Queen.

« Do you think the king loves you ? »

She hiccups of surprise. She tries to find some emotions on my face and she does quickly a reverence.

« He loves me, your Grave.

_ You're so naive. You're just a pawn on his board as I was on my father's. I hate him for that. He used me into his fool conflict with the last king, your father. And I swore I'll never used again like that. I am angry against you, because you think you can take my husband. But I am sorry for you too. You're used. You're the War of the Roses' key. You think the king loves you, but it is definitively an illusion.

_ No, it isn't, your majesty. He loves me, I saw it. »

I smile.

« You're dreaming, little girl. Richard couldn't marry me. But he did it because he loves me. Truely. And he has lost enough and sacrified much too, to lose everything just for you.

_ He is just waiting.

_Waiting what ?

_ Your death. »

I am without voice but I try to keep any emotion on my face.

 «  You're sterile, she continues. You can't give him heirs. I'll give him.

_Oh. You think so. Wait months and you will see. »

She watches me as I was already mad. Perhaps, yes. But I am pregant, don't be sure about your plans Elisabeth.

« Your Majesty, greets Francis Lovell when he goes to me and Elisabeth.

_ Viscount Lovell, this is a pleasure to see you.

_ I am glad to hear that, my Queen.

_ Anne, speaks Richard beside the Viscount. Do you like the ball ?

_ Yes, I like it. And I went asking to Viscount Lovell to dance with me. Will you dance wuth me, Viscount Lovell, I ask with a huge smile.

_ Of course, my queen, he replies with a sensual voice. »

We let Richard and Elisabeth beside us and I try to don't watch his reations. We dance three times and during all of this time, Richard sees me, my mouvements and how I look Francis Lovell. Little bit vexed, he askes at Elisabteh to dance with him. They join us on the dancefloor and after two minutes, there are just us who dance. The court look the situation with enjoyement. The King and the Queen of England are separated. And perhaps they are dancing with their lovers. Richard whisperes some words to the Elisabeth ear.

My blood froze. She laughs and replies him. I stop the dance with the viscount and greet him quickly.

« I am not right, Viscount Lovell. I am sorry.

_ May I help you, your Majesty ? »

I hesitate enough secondes to caught the attention of the court and Richard.

« No, thank you, Viscount Lovell. » 

Suddenly, I have a headache and I leave the court. They are surprise, I know, but I can't stay. Truely. I need to go far from them. I need to breathe.

I go to my bedroom and I lean against a wall and try to breathe.

« Anne, are you all right ? »

Asks Richard when he enters in the room.

« Do you think I look well ?! I reply curtly. »

He does not answer. It was not a question.

« Your humor change so quickly, Anne.

_ Oh ! you think so. All right. »

I speak more loudly.

« Anne, God. What have you got ?

_ God, Richard. Open your eyes !

_I do it, but I see nothing. Anne, why are you like that. You think, I would like you dead and marry with my niece. It is not true. And-

_I am pregnant. »

I say my last sentence when I turn to him, little bit angry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is a short chapter, I know. But I hope you have like it!
> 
>  
> 
> French Author. ♥


	4. Pregnant

 

Richard does not move, stays where he was and does not move. His mouth is little bit open and his face shows surprise.

« Pregnant ? He repeats.

_Yes, I say in a breath.

_ Oh, Anne, he replies with a huge smile. »

He goes to me and squeezes me with his strong arms. He kisses my cheeks and thanks God for this great new.

« Anne, our prayers were heard.

_ Yes. I knew that when I was at Middleham and I came back for you. I would like to tell you the great new in private. »

He kisses my mouth again, with more passion than he did since a long time.

« I was afraid to lose you, I say.

_ Lose me ? He repeats, little bit lost.

_ I was afraid because if I do not give you heirs, if I was sterile-

_ And you are not, sweetheart, he reassures me. Was you afraid to lose your sit on the throne if you gave me not heirs ?

_ Little bit, yes, I admit. But it was permanently you.

_ Don't be. I didn't care if you gave me not heirs, if I have you-

_ I know that, Richard. But as you know, we do not live in a wonderful land and if you have not heirs – if I do not what I am here to do- your place is less secure. And as you know too, you shloud divorced to me and take an other Queen of England who will give you princes and princesses. »

He doesn't reply, perhaps he admits the truth. Perhaps he has finally open his eyes.

« You're right, Anne. But I love-

_ Richard, please. I know you love me. I try to believe in it. But love is not enough to keep the throne close to us.

_ You speak like a king, he smiles.

_ Like a Queen of England, your Grace. »

He caresses my cheeks again and says me there will have ball for me.

« Richard, are you sure ? I'm afraid-

_ Why will you afraid ?

_ As you know, I have done some miscarriages before. It could be the same thing this time and I don't want hurt you if...

_ Anne, don't think like that. You are 28 years and you have the time.

_ 29 years, I correct him.

_ I am not fool, sweetheart, and your birthday is in june.

_ Well, you're right.

_ As always.

_ Pretentious man, I reply in a smile. »

***

Here I am, sit next to Richard at my ball and I am nervous. I squeeze the hand of Richard and I try breathe.

« Ladies and Gentleman, I am glad to see all of you here, says Richard rising his glass»

Suddenly, I see Lady Elizabeth who is watching him with desire. Who is dazzling by him. Does she think this ball is for her ?

« I have a great new for you and for all of the kingdom, he continues ».

He turns to me and presents his hand. I take it and we don't stopping our contact. He smiles to me and kisses my hands.

« The kingdom will have a heir. »

I hear shouts of joy, of happiness, of congratulations and... And I see her face, white. She looks surprise and she raises her eyes to mine. I know she understands my words. I said to her she should wait months and now she knows. I am pregnant. I am not sterile. My place is secure and hers not.

« Congratulations, my Queen, says Francis Lovell next to me.

_ Thank you Viscount, I say again to him.

_ I was unhoped your Grace, says Lord Brackenbury, and I am glad for you, Queen Anne.

_ Yes it was but God heard our prayers and it is a satisfaction to be bless. »

During hours, all of the court dance and share our happiness but one do not. I go to her, not to have apologize from her, she could not, but to see my victory on the Elizabeth Woodville's daughter. It is bad, it is not me, I know. But for the firts time, I need it.

« Lady Elizabeth, you have a sad face. Are you all right ? I ask sarcastic.

_ My Queen, she says trying to do not reply curtly. I am well.

_ Good to hear that. I am glad you're here to hear the great new and share this with us.

_ Keep you safe and in good healthy, your Majesty. Miscarriages are so current and child can died for anything. »

I look at her so dulled and I smile.

« It's true, Lady Elizabeth. But I am sure this baby will be strong to succeeded to his father the king. And he will be protected. Don't be worry about that, Lady Elizabeth. »

After a little moment, my face goes white when I see Lady Elizabeth is touching discreetly her belly.

« I hope it will be a boy, she murmures, a huge smile hang on her perfect and provocative face.

_ You're pregnant, I whisper.

_ I hope and perhaps you will die accidentally and Richard will marry me and make me is Queen of England.

_ You have bedded the king ?

_ Oh, I am sorry of that, you Grace. You wasn't suppose to know that. My apoligizes. »

I close my mouth and I try to show any emotions one my face once more time.

« As I told you. You are a pawn on the Richard's board.

_ If you die of chilbirth fever, Richard will marry me because he loves me, I saw it.

_ Did he tell you ?

_ No, but I can feel it.

_ When I was a child, the first time I see your mother, I tought she was the most beautiful woman in England and I wasn't surprise that the king your father fall in love with her. Then you arrived and I grew up and I saw your mother was a truly witch and you were as her. When I saw you at the court, behind your mother, you looked so perfect, too much. In deed and I hoped you won't be as her but in fact you are the same, I say. »

I turn out of her and I go back to Richard who welcome me with a smile and a kiss on my cheek. I doubt again. I doubt of Richard again.

***

After the ball, I go to my bedroom and I see Richard on our bed. I tell to the handmaids to let us and I close the door. I feel my heart which is going faster and faster again. Richard hears me and tells me to come to him. But I cannot. I doubt and I cannot stop to think of Lady Elizabeth, her words and her belly.

« Richard ! Have you bedded your niece ?! Tell me the truth.

_ I have done nothing !

_ She touched her belly !

_ She is a liar.

_ You were well together so ! She said you told her you loved her, is it truth ?

_ I must to play all cards I have and-

_ Richard. Have you bedded Lady Elizabeth. »

I see him, stand up and trying to stay calm.

« No.

_ I do not trust in you. I will wait the good time for you. And when you will be ready, you will tell me the truth. It's not very interesting to hear that by her. It is more fun for me to hear you. »

He closes his eyes and opens them quickly.

«  I love you. Do you trust in it ? »

I turn my face and look at the widow.

« Anne, do you trust in it ? He repeats.

_ I am afraid yes, I say with a blushing. »

He laughs and kisses me again. I take his arm and he takes me to the garden.

« Richard. I don't want to be hurt once more time. I truly love Edward. I love Margaret and Teddy too, as a mother but I am afraid to lose the baby.

_ You won't lose this baby, I promess.

_ You have promessed to Edward that he will live and takes the throne after your death, but he is dead and he will never do it. 

_ I trusted in it, didn't you ?

_ Yes, I whisper.

_ Anne, we can do nothing against the wish of God.

_ You think so ?

_ I try.

_ I won't go to Middleham for my confinement. I couldn't.

_ I understand. Where do you want to go ?

_ Here.

_ Anne, I am not sure if it is a good idea.

_ I am not sure too but I decided to stay here.

_ And you stay here if it is what you want, he says caressing my cheeks with is hands. »

_Five months later_

My belly grow up and it is more difficulte for me to move but I do in spite of the tell of the doctors. I cannot stay at the same place.

I have decided to visited my Lady Mother with Richard. I remember she said my little baby boy was a bastard but I am so weak. Lady Mother is heart less, I am sure of that but in spite of her acts I cannot stop to love her. There is a part of me which continues to love her. She is my mother and the futur grandmother of the new heir of Richard, of the kingdom.

« Lady mother, I greet my mother who looks so old.

_ Anne, she replies curtly. You're with a child.

_ Yes, Lady Mother.

_ Again a Richard's bastard.

_ Close your mouth Lady Mother, because if you say that of my family once more time, I swear I will cut myself you tongue if I am well mood. If it won't be that, I will kill you myself and you will be truly dead this time. Be carefull of what you're saying Lady Mother. »

She does not reply and her face goes white. « Well, you learn quieckly Lady Mother. »

She raises her eyes to me and she stands up.

« Go out of my room, she whistles.

_ Do not order me Lady Mother. I am the Queen of England, as my Lord Father wished, you must to show me your respect as I showed you when I was a child. 

_ I am your mother and-

_ Mother yes, but not by love. You are heartless Lady Mother. Do you remember, Lady Mother ? In 1471, at Tewkesbury. I was a child on a battle field and you abandoned me over there, in the hands of the bad queen and you hid yourself in an abbey. You called my little baby Edward a bastard. I will never forget what you said.

_ I am sorry for your loss, my love.

_ No you aren't. You have no heart, no feelings, no soul. I regret to came here. It was worthless.

_ No, Anne ! Don't let me here, please, she begges. »

I look at her as she is a fool woman. Perhaps she is. She hopes she can leave her room. She is naive.

« You are dead, Lady Mother, I say slowly. »

She sits on her bed and joins her hands.

« What is his name, if it is a boy ?

_ Richard. As my Lord Father in spite of what he did. And my love, Richard, the King of England.

_ And if it is a girl ?

_ Anne Isabel. Anne for you, same if I truly hate you, and Isabel for my sister. »

I go to her and squeeze her. I haven't done that since a long time and I need to trust it could be a good part in her. I am afraid, if I will die, I will never see her again and never know if she really loved me.

« Farewell, Lady Mother. I guess I will never come back to you again.

_ Why ?

_ First-of-all, you said my children are bastards. And then-

_ Then what ?

_ Perhaps, it could be... I could die and-

_ I hope no.

_ Thank you Lady Mother. »

I go out of her room and meet Richard.

« Was it good for you ? Are you hurt ?

_ No, I guess no. Thank you to be here.

_ You are pregnant, sweetheart. How could I let you alone ?

_ You are not thinking as a king.

_ As a father, as a husband.

_ I love you Richard. »

He squeezes me and I smell his as I could be protect of everything with that.

***

Go back at Westminster Palace, I am more tired and I wait Richard in our room. I brush my hair on my bed, I know that Richard loves my hair, especially when there aren't attached. I hear his steps in the room and I look at him across the mirror which is on the wall in front of me and watch him touching my hair.

« I love your hair, he says. »

I turn softly my head to him and I caress his curly dark hair.

« I love your hair too, Richard, I whisper. I love your face, your mouth, your eyes, your nose, your hands. I love your arms when they squeeze me and when I feel protected into them, I continue. I completely love you, Richard. Truly. »

He stays on the bed, with motionless. He is shoked by my kind words I think. Then he quickly kisses me with passion and desire. He presses his lips onto mine and whisperes he loves me with all of his heart. I lie on my bed and he moves onto my body. His face lowers to my neck and he is trying to remove my clothes. I am trying to do that too and I moan under his caresses. I moan his name again and again.

 


	5. Anything can replace a true love.

 

**14 April 1485**

 

I wake up and move softly out of my bed. I am tired. I sleep but I am tired. I suffer too. I cannot deny that. The baby does not give me anytime and I look tired. What could I do ? It is my duty, of course, but our baby is what our love made, I know it.

And I know too, it is our happiness, of Richard and I, which makes feel sad Elizabeth of York. I can see it on her face. She tried to hid it at the beginning but not anymore. I will lie if I say I have pain to her, but I haven't. She tried to steal my husband, I cannot forget it even I do all I can.

Now it is not a matter, I will have a baby, I will make Richard happy once more time, and I will secure my place on the throne. But I know I am more afraid to lose Richard than the throne. The power has a price, I see it during all of my life. I see how the House of York and the House of Lancaster try to destroy each other while they are cousins. I see how Georges, Duke of Clarence, lost his life for that, and how my father too. I see how the power can change and break the spirit of somebody. I see how I almost lost my love.

Power is as a poison. It is prouve.

« Does your Grace wish for anything? Says Elizabeth after she greetes me.

_ I'd like to have my new baby dress. My belly is too huge for my yesterday's dress. I feel it during all of the party. I am sure the court saw it.

_ You look as a pregnant woman your Majesty, this is normal.

_ Yes, I whisper glancing at my belly. You're right. »

There isn't curt tone in my voice anymore. I am too tired for that.

« My mother does not want to change her mind and annuled with Henri Tudor my engagement.

_ Would you want ? I ask looking in her eyes across the glass.

_ I suppose, she hesitates.

_ Women are not free, Lady Elizabeth. They are used but sometimes they could have the choice. A long time ago, I had it, when I was with Margerite d'Anjou. I chose to still with her even if my father was dead as a traitor, even if my mother abandonned me on the battle field, alone with anyone I can count on it. Even if my sister changed her side with her husband. But I had no choice to marry Edward of Lancaster. And Richard gave me a choice, accept to marry him. I won't forgive what you tried to do, but I hope you will have one day the choice. The choice to be happy and to make on your own. We live in the men world, and we must to fight for our own. Every seconds, every minutes, every hours of your life, you will have to struggle for you and for be not put aside of the men.

_ I understand, she says. But I have a broken heart.

_ And I hope you will find a man who will love you as Richard but you cannot break an happiness just for your own pleasure.

_ Yes your Grace.

_ Look around you, Elizabeth, is there any man who caught your attention more than the king ?

_ When you are in love with a man, my queen, you do not see the others, am I right ?

_ Yes, you are. Try to find it, and Richard will made what he can. You're his niece.

_ And yours , she adds.

_ And mine, I reply with a little smile. »

She does a curtsey and leaves me. I do not move, I am little bit surprise about our conversation, it is the first time we talk like that. But I truly hope she will find a good man. And I hope she will forget Richard because I know, see him is as watch her loss everyday, it is a suffer for her.

***

**August 1485**

We are in war. Again. Richard prepares the war and tells me to take care of me and our baby. I am more tired than I ever been. I could look as a ghost.

If Richard win, Elizabeth of York won't marry to Henri Tudors, he will probably dead, and she will marry to a York man and her Lady Mother will be sent to an other part of England.

Tomorrow, Richard will go to Bosworth and he will fight against the Henri's armies. This morning, he told me he'd like to spent time with me in the park before his leaving.

He enteres softly in my room when my ladies help me to wear my dress. They make a curtsey to the king and glance to Lady Elizabeth. They do not forget too.

« Would you like to go in the park with me, Anne, he akes with a mysterious gaze.

_ Of course, Richard, I reply with a smile. »

He presents me his arm and we go in the park in silence. I squeeze his arm and I feel his strength. We walk on the way which is surrounded of beautiful flowers. We hear some voices in the courtyard and I suppose it is for the war. The war... A fool battle or a battle of fools.

« Are you afraid, akes Richard after a silence.

_ Of course I am, how couldn't I ? You will be in danger. You will be on the battle field against an army, how couldn't be afraid about that ?

_ Yes I know.

_ And you, are you afraid ?

_ Yes, I am, he replies in a whisper.

_ You won't lose.

_ How could you be so sure ?

_ You have reasons to stay alive. You have me, and your baby. Your little Prince.

_ Or little Princess.

_ Would you like to have a princess ?

_ Why not ?

_ You need boy. Baby boy.

_ Not at all.

_ Yes, you have Edward.

_ My nephew. Yes.

_ If you have no heirs, you won't choose him. He is simple of mind. You will choose John.

_ John ?

_ Your son.

_ Oh. No, of course no.

_ So if I give you a princess you won't be disappointed ?

_ No, I am not as my brother Georges was.

_ I see it. And you're a better father than him.

_ I let die my son, I am not a good father.

_ He was weak, you knew it. But we did not love him less. He was our first born son, we love him even if he's dead, I whisper.

_ If I die-

_ Richard ! How could you think that ?!

_ If I die, you will be in danger and the life of you and our baby too. You will need more than an abbey or a sanctuary.

_ What do you mean, Richard ?

_ You will need a husband.

_ You're a fool man, Richard. I cannot marry an other man.

_ Imagine, Anne. Who will you choose ?

_ Richard ! Nobody. I will choose nobody.

_ Imagine. Please. If I die I need to know you will be in a safety place with a good man.

_ Francis. Francis Lovell. His wife is dead many years ago. I will choose him because he is loyault to you and the House of York.

_ Right. I hope I will stay alive.

_ You will. You have no choice, I tease him. »

***

Richard left the court with his army two weeks ago and I cannot sleep. I wait his letters with so impatience but I receive any letter since three days. The battle began. Richard is on the battle field with his sword, killing men of the Henri's army.

Two days after that, I wake up and wear my dress and I stay under the widow to see messenger. I want to see a messenger. Just to know what is happening.

I go to the chapell everyday and I pray for Richard, for his sucess and for all of the men who follow him.

And my prayers are answered. A messenger come and give me a little paper with three words writing on it.

_Henri Tudors fell._

I feel my heart and a sigh of enjoyment escapes from my mouth. Richard won. He won and he stills alive, stills king. I never doubt of his sucess.

He will be with me for the birth of our child.

I receive a second letter and Richard said me this :

_We'll be together sweetheart. Wait me, I'll be with you in four days. I love you._

_Richard._

Four days later, he arrives. And I see him in the courtyard accross the widow. I go down quickly and when I arrive on the steps I watch him with all of his men. He rises his eyes toward me and a dazzle smile is drawing on his face.

« Anne. »

My hand holds the barrier because I do not want fall. I am tired by my pregnancy but the enjoyment to see Richard makes me crazy. I go down the steps and we quickly walk to each other. We squeeze up strongly, smelling the other one. I missed him so much I cry of joy.

« You're at home. Richard. You're safe.

_ Yes I am. »

He kisses me fervently and he caresses my hair. He prefers when they are untied. And I still squeeze him a little more against me as if I did not want that he leaves me once more time. Then he moves his hand on my belly and he feels the small knocks that gives the baby. My belly is enormous, much more than for Edward and I worry. I am afraid that there is a problem.

Richard smiles and he kisses my cheek caressing my belly.

« You won't have to marry Francis. »

I smile and we enter in our castle.

***

The pain began two days after the Richard's arrival and I am lying on my bed. The midwifes said there won't have deals but I feel not good. Richard stays with me during all of the birth and I squeeze his hand strongly. I feel as if I am dying, thi is so painful and sometimes I cannot breathe.

« It's a boy your Grace ! Says the midwife. It's a boy. A baby boy !

_ Aaaah please, I have so pain. Please do something !

_ A Queen does not beg your Grace, says an other midwife.

_ Am I looking as a Queen right now ?! Do it. I order you to do something, is it as a Queen am I ordering you ?! I say after an other pain. »

She does not answer and she lowers her head towards my belly.

« Wait ! Wait, there is an other baby. »

I have no time to look surprise, the midwife says to me to push more strongly. I don't know since how many time I am here, perhaps hours. Actually, I have no idea of the time.

« You have a girl your Majesty. A little baby Princess. »

I am breath-taking again and my head fall on my pillow and I breath. Richard coingrats me for my efforts and kisses me. The midwifes wash the babies and say me they are in good health.

They say to Richard he should go out the room, I need to be washed. But I am not well and the midwifes see it.

« Your Grace, are you well ?

_ I do not feel my legs. »

Her face become white and she lowers her eyes between my legs and see blood. Blood everywhere. There is an haemorrhage and I am loosing blood. They try to help me and to stop the haemorrhage but this is worthless. I know it. I am dying and I feel my body less and less. I am no strength.

They glance towards me with compassion and call Richard. But I want to see my babies, Richard and Anne Isabel.

He enters in my room and I see his hair which look as a returned umbrella...

«  Anne, he says beside my bed. Are you all right ?

_ I am dying, Richard. I know it. You too. I am dying and we can do nothing of it, I say after a cough.

_ Yes we can, sweetheart, he whisperes softly.

_I am so sorry, Richard. When I gave birth to Edward, I was so jealous about my sister, Isabel, because she was more fertile than me. Do not talk about the last Queen Elizabeth. She was bless by the wish of God and we could do nothing of that. But our little baby boy was weak as me and he died far from us. Far from his parents. If I can go back, I will never let him in this cold castle. I will be next to him and perhaps he will be alive. Then, after ten years, ten years of hope, of trying to make child, a son, an heir, I did it. I was so sad to think if our little baby boy, our little Edward, will died, you'll be without heir and without inheritance. Then, perhaps, I was afraid to lose my sit beside you, but in fact I was more afraid about you without heir. But God has heard my prayers. And I gave you a beautiful boy, a little Richard, and a beautiful girl, Anne Isabel. And now I am dying. This is the price to secure your place on the throne. I am so sad to won't be here to see them growing up. They will need a mother and I will be not here for them. I feel so weak, Richard. Can you hear my weakness in my voice ?

_ Anne, please, do not speak as you will die in your bed. Do not speak as you will leave me, he murmures.

_ I am dying. Open your eyes, my love. This is the reality. I know, after my bury, you will need a wife. And- _ Never. You will live because I order you to live, to breathe and you will do it. And I have already children who just wait their mother.

_ Do not be silly, Richard. You know the truth but you don't want to accept it.

_ How could I do that, Anne ? You want I accept your futur death ? Are you mad ?

_ Dying. I am dying. You must to chose a new queen. A new Queen of England. It does a matter if she his queen just by place, not by love. You said you have already heirs, don't you ?

_ Anne...

_ I know I could give you my blessing to you and Princess Elizabeth, but I will lie. I do not want her in your bed, at your side. I do not want her with you, but what could I do if I am dead ? Nothing, as always. You know. I hate her more than nothing. More than her mother.

_ I will never remarry. You are my love. You are the only one. I chose you. Do you remember ? I chose you because I love you and anything has changed.

_ I am going to join my father, the Kingmaker, my beautiful sister Isabel and my lovely son, Edward.

_ You cannot leave me. You cannot.

_ Richard, for the love of God, accept it and find a Queen of England.

_ No.

_ I just want your happiness, Richard.

_ Anne, you are my happiness.

_ But when I will die, your happiness will disapear as my life. I want you happy.

_ Any woman in the world can make me happy as you do.

_ Richard, can you do something for me ?

_ Of course, sweetheart.

_ Take care of our twins, they will need you.

_ And I need you Anne. Please don't leave me, he says across his tears.

_ Richard, please. Do not make the thing more hard than it is.

_ I lost you one time, not again.

_ We cannot go against the wish of God. »

I breathe with difficulty and I turn my head to Richard. « Richard, tell me the truth. I apologize to you because I doubt of you.

_ About what ?

_ Have you bedded your niece ? Have you bedded Elizabeth of York, the Edward IV's daughter. »

I feel his hand loose and look my face with hesitation. I doubted. And I was right. He bedded her niece. He lied to me.

« Yes, I did, he whisperes. »

I turn my face and look at the ceiling. I try to do not crying but I feel my tears which are rooling on my cheeks.

« All right. You are finally honest with me. It is all I need to left this world. I havn't enough strength to hate you.

_ Anne I am sorry.

_ Of course you are. How couldn't you be ? I say sarcastic. But anyway, I am glad too see you are honest. But you lied to me. Why, Richard ? You knew that it will hurt me ? Was it to win your point to him ?

_ Yes.

_ You cannot marry her. If you do that, you will lose the North, same if you was a great man for them. They are loyault to me because of my father, you know that.

_ I will never marry to Elizabeth, I swear it.

_ Don't swear Richard. Please.

_ What could I swear and it could be-

_ Take care of our children, this is just that I need to hear. Take care of Richard, he is strong and he will be strong as you are. Learn him how to fight and how to keep his honor. And our little girl, learn her to be a great princess, a great Lady. And tell them our history. Our meeting, how we were matched together, how I was give to a monster by my father's ambition. Tell them how we have struggle to our love. Tell them the truth. Don't forget to tell them I love them, with all of my heart and I am sorry to leave them.

_ I promess, I will.

_Thank you Richard. Thank you. »

I feel my breath running out. I am tired. I am hot and I squeeze his hand as much as possible of my love, my soul, of my husbands, Richard.

«  Anne, one day, you told me that if you could go back and never be queen, you will be happy and safe. Was it true ?

_ Yes, it was. Between us it was a true love but we must to chose between love and power. I was more happy when I was the duchess of Gloucester. When I had my sister and my little Edward close to me. When I had you. I know we lost each other during a time. I was happy, there was no Elizabeth of York, no Queen Elizabeth between us. There was just us. »

He closes his eyes and whisperes he is sorry, I reply that a king does not excuse. He smiles.

« I... love... you... »

I breathe with difficulty and I see my sister Isabel with his husband and my son. I see my father and I feel leaving this world and my love. I close my eyes, squeeze the hands of Richard a last time with all of my strength and I give him a last beautiful smile which represents the happiness of our history.

« Anne, no, please... no... don't leave me... »

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I am sooooooooooooooo late and I have any excuses !  
> But I hope you have enjoy this final chapter and the end pleased you.  
> xx

**Author's Note:**

> Informations about Anne: I wanted to write an Anne who will be more angry and more hurt by Richard. It's a couple, and there are obviously problemes.
> 
> I hope you're not blind, if there are some errors, I am sorry ^^


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